I realize that, as a parent of many years, I have not always operated in a way that was best for my children.  Of course, I realised this after the fact, by providing them with what can be termed ‘constructive criticism’ when I now realize they needed more encouragement.  I gave that too, but probably with heavy father overtones. 

Of course, my kids did not come out with an instruction manual and my wife and I did our best based on our experience (which was very diverse from each other's). She was a ‘Polynesian Princess’ as I visualized her, and I a young British gentleman (well hardly, the training didn’t really work).

With the progress and learning as each year goes by, I understand things a lot better now. This is probably thanks to my long corporate experience of the several thousand people I worked with, as chief executive, a leadership and communication training facilitator, or an executive coach. 

Just recently, a lady was telling me how her 21 year old son had gained a university degree, but had no job.  She was quite distraught about this, being Japanese and from a culture of hard work, where having a job was socially important.  Her husband, an Englishman, did not hold the same views.

In our discussion, I discovered her son had developed an invention involving technology, which he was wanting to market. I expressed the virtues of what this young man had accomplished at a very early age, and showed her, that encouraging her son would and could only enhance her son’s results. After all, he was only wanting his Mom and Dad to be proud of him.  I asked her what she wanted for her son and she said "success and happiness".  I then asked her what she thought that her son wanted; she replied "success and happiness."

I then asked her, "Which one out of encouragement or criticism would get what she and her son both wanted?"  She saw how putting her son down was not helping him and realised how powerful encouragement would add value to his life. She wept at her awakening, and I felt the emotional pain she felt.

So let’s remember: The Greatest Shot in the Arm we can have is Encouragement. 
Please hand out some, and make a difference.

I was recently coaching a young American executive in Tokyo. He was clutching a book and he kept touching it.

He eventually said, "You were right you know," about what I had said. "You said, there was no luck, and I said there was."

I had told him I did not use luck and that my definition of luck was ‘where opportunity and good planning crossed’. He said, "it’s all in this book." Masses of research on the subject of LUCK, it clearly shows scientifically that there is no luck. It is a person’s attitude that has strong bearing on people’s outcomes. 

That is why people with a positive attitude (and why I encourage people to be ‘Possibility Thinkers’) have more favorable things happen in their lives than people who have tendencies to focus on negative thoughts. Where focus goes, energy flows and that has a bearing on our results, as the thoughts we think create our reality.

Remember: look before you leap, and don’t look for so long that you succumb to indecision. It’s good to take a chance sometimes. It’s called a risk and every time you take a risk, and challenge yourself to do a new and different behavior, you expand your circle of influence, in the world. I talked with a billionaire friend of mine, and risk, with caution and judgment, was part of his success formula.

The Three C’s

I was talking with an attractive Korean lady who bore a strong resemblance to Chinese movie actress Lucy Liu.  She shared with me what she called her Triple C formula: Change, Chance, and Challenge.

Be a Connector. Build a network of relationships, it may well become your greatest asset as the years roll by. It has been said by wise people that ‘Relationships are all there is’.

This starts with our parents, siblings, family, friends, work colleagues and on and on into the universe, wherever we go. Start that network today. No man is an island, we are all interconnected at some level. Be a connector – start today.

I remember my first visit to the Levis Australia office, when computers were just starting.  The hardware was in a huge air-conditioned room. Discussing the merits of this piece of technology, it was deemed ‘garbage in, garbage out’. The computer was only as good as it was programmed.

I think the same is true of our mind. 

It is up to us to choose what we want to have programmed in our brain – it can be tough with some parents' influence! 

It is now possible today, with more research in neuro-science, to rewire your brain for positive change.

When I started running seminars in 1989 in transformation leadership, everyone taught management.  No-one taught leadership.  Today it seems everyone teaches leadership with minimum focus on management, except tertiary educators.  I still believe today that many people who profess to teach leadership to organizations have no experience of having led anything!  Nor do they understand what leadership is about - yet they make a living at it. They also have all of the right buzz-words, but very limited understanding.

Transformational leadership, which we taught in IAS in 1989, was accelerated learning techniques, visualization, and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and it was intangible with no scientific backup.  It worked incredibly well, although it seemed to have no basis for logic and was viewed by some as unusual.

Today we have many people skilled in neuroscience, like Dr Kerry Spackman (Winner’s Bible), Bill Harris of Centrepointe Research Institute (Holysinc), Paul Scheele of photo reading (Natural Brilliance) and Dr David Hawkins, scientist, meta-physicist and author, to name a few. 

It is clear to me that our unconscious is vastly bigger than our conscious mind.  I hold a view that Albert Einstein discovered and tapped into this. It requires discipline and tenacity to constantly practice these techniques and in today’s busy lifestyle, most of us don’t want to take the time, even if there is an inkling of desire.  Practice takes time and people say, "I don’t have time."

So the truth is you are only touching the tip of the iceberg of your true potential.
There is a world full of possibility awaiting you.  So I leave you with one of my favourite sayings, one of my mantras: "If it’s to be, it’s up to me."

Being a parent is one of the most difficult, demanding and rewarding things you can ever possibly be.

The proudest title I have ever had was DAD and 30 years later, GRANDAD.

Mums and Dads have the tough job, the heartache, the pain and of course the thrill, joy and pride of the child’s success.
My own children told me, "we had no idea how tough a job you had with us, until we had our own children."

Being a Granddad is so special for me. Every year I go to Canada for 8-10 weeks for my annual Granddad training.

Being a Granddad, allows you to just reward and it is a beautiful, pure and pleasant relationship. I feel blessed and I am.

How many times have you said, "I will try my best!"  Or, "I’ll try!"

You’ve probably said it quite a few times.

What’s wrong with this? After all, if you are not confident you can achieve or deliver the result, why would you promise it?

The first point is: if you say you will try, you’re not making a commitment and you can let yourself off. 

Unfortunately, the person you are telling will, through their selective hearing, hear, "I will do it." There is a real opportunity for a major misunderstanding. If it is your boss, his/her talk about you will be negative.  ‘Not reliable’, ‘Can’t count on this person’, ‘Not a team player’.

If it’s someone you love and you don’t deliver, try will not be good enough.

I will leave it to your imagination about the kind of talk going on in their head.

‘Try’ is a mindtrap.  It’s the way the brain has cleverly wired itself to avoid not making a full commitment.  It invariably becomes an automatic behavior. There is ‘no try’ - either you do it, or you do not. If you cannot make a commitment, then a simple honest answer will be muchly preferred. 

I encourage you to make a strong effort to avoid using the word try.  Awareness is an important key. 

We don’t use the word 'try' in our company.  It is amazing how we have all developed a strong trust in each other.