I have talked to you about ‘Me Time’ and how valuable that is for you. Having time to yourself gives you time to think and reflect.
Be honest with yourself, and then you can change anything. Here are three questions that may help you. Ask yourself:
1. ‘What Am I Pretending?’
When you have the answer or answers to that, ask question two.
2. ‘What is that hiding?’
When you have the answer, ask question three.
3. ‘What is this stopping me from having in my life?’
When I did this exercise, it was very painful for me.
Firstly, I didn’t think I was pretending anything in my life and tried to gloss over it. By keeping focused on the question ‘What am I pretending?’, it struck me like a bolt of lightning - I was pretending that everything was alright with my relationship with my eldest son.
‘What is that hiding?’
What I was hiding, and what I discovered, was that I had not forgiven him for his behaviour and appearance when he was 18 and 19 years old, when we lived in Japan and I was ‘Mr Important’ Chief Executive. That he almost broke up my marriage to his step-mother, who I have now been with for 35 years.
The answer to the third question, was the most painful: ‘What was this stopping me from having in my life?’
And what it was stopping was me having unconditional love, between my son and I. There are seven years between him and his younger brother. His Mother was a professional singer and worked almost every night, except Sundays. So in many ways I was his mother, as well as his Dad. He and I were inseparable and had this magic bond between us.
Confronting the issue with him was very painful, and he told me I had been very tough on him over the years. I said I was sorry and was not conscious of my behaviour. I told him about his and my relationship for seven years before he had a brother, and that I was not going to go to my death without restoring the unconditional love between us.
It was pretty heavy stuff, I can tell you. But I can also tell you there were miracles. As I changed, he changed, and a great weight was lifted from me, and I guess from him too.
The unconditional love between us was restored.